


Angels We Have Heard on High

by perfect-porcelain (kathleenhasfeelsandwords)



Series: 12 Days of Oneshots [4]
Category: One Direction
Genre: 12 Days of Oneshots, Angst, Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:01:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathleenhasfeelsandwords/pseuds/perfect-porcelain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn's alone on Christmas Eve, just looking for a way out. Liam finds him about to jump and he's just trying to earn his wings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels We Have Heard on High

**Author's Note:**

> Um angst...sorry. Kind of a mix between Its a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol

“Why are you on the ledge?”

He jumps and grips the steel cable next to him and looks down at the person behind him.

“Go away.” He sniffs, rubbing the back the back of his hand across his nose. “I need to do this.”

“But it’s Christmas Eve.”

“Exactly.” He spits and looks down at the river below him.

“I don’t think you really do want to do this.” The man says, something fluttering in a strange way.

“Would you go away?” He snaps.

“No.” The man smiles and leans against the railing and looks over. “It sure is a long way down doncha think?”

“That’s the point.” He says bitterly, closing his eyes.

“I’m Liam by the way.” The man interrupts his thoughts and he sighs unhappily.

“That’s great, now go away.”

“But I’m not supposed to.” Liam pouts unhappily and he has to admit he looks like a little puppy dog when he does and it’s rather adorable.

“It’s not your job to save me if that’s what you think.” He glares.

“Oh but it is Zayn.”

“How do you know my name?” He breathes and Liam just smiles.

“I told you, it’s my job. Now will you get down off there?” Liam puts his hands on his hips and Zayn shakes his head.

“I’m worthless.”

“Now that’s a lie.”

“Wanna bet?” He grits his teeth and Liam sighs, shaking his head.

“Why don’t I show you?”

“What?”

But Liam doesn’t say anything and instead just reaches out and grips Zayn’s arm and like a blast of cold wind that he has to close his eyes against, he’s gone off the ledge and looking at his own house.

“Why are we here?”

“Well I said I was going to show you how you’re not worthless right? Well here’s your family if you had never existed.”

Zayn’s confused but Liam takes his hand and pulls him toward the familiar house and he tenses as they come to the door but Liam doesn’t stop and he gasps when they pass right through it. It’s still Christmas Eve of course but there’s something off. His little sisters aren’t jumping around in anticipation as usual, instead they look sad. There’s no tree in the corner and no presents to be seen.

“Don’t worry girls, I’m sure Santa will come.” His mom says and Safaa looks up at her with those big eyes.

“Really?”

“Of course darling, now up to bed with you three.” She smiles wearily and Zayn watches them silently climb the stairs and as soon as the door shuts he watches his mom collapse into herself.

Zayn turns to Liam. “What happened here?”

“You were the glue that kept everyone together Zayn and without you your family kind of broke apart. Your dad couldn’t keep a decent job and your mom tried to keep everything happy but it never worked very well.”

“But this couldn’t just be if I wasn’t born. It has to be something else right?”

Liam shakes his head sadly. “Your mom had a miscarriage and that was the start of your parent’s problems. Nothing was ever really the same after that.”

He walks towards his mom who looks like she’s trying hard not to cry. “Mom, it’s okay, I’m right here.” He says to her softly and reaches out to rub her shoulder but his hand passes right through her.

“She can’t hear you.” Liam says and Zayn nods.

“I know.”

“Come on, we still have more to see.”

*

They walk along the snowy road, silently. “Is this like some Christmas Carol thing?” Zayn mutters and Liam just shrugs and smiles. “And why are you smiling all the time?” He snarls and Liam doesn’t stop smiling.

“Here we are.” 

Zayn stops outside the house that he’s spent many a night in. “Why are we at Niall’s house?”

Liam just gestures for him to go inside. He does and it’s rather sparse, unusual compared to the overstuffed place that he’s used to. 

“NIALL!” A man screams and Zayn can see Niall who’s coming into the living room from the kitchen freeze and visibly flinch. A man that he doesn’t recognize comes down the stairs and holds up a pair of discolored socks. “What the fuck is this? How many times have I told you to use bleach when you wash the clothes.”

“I’m sor—“

A loud crack of skin on skin rings through the house and Zayn’s eyes widen. He can see Mrs. Horan at the top of the stairs with a frightened look on her face while Niall reels back, clutching his jaw, fear prevalent in his eyes.

“You do this again and it won’t just be your jaw that you’re clutching.” The man hisses and Niall nods quickly as the man turns on his heel and makes his way back up the stairs. 

It’s only when Zayn hears the door slam shut that Niall curls up into a little ball and silent tears run down his cheeks.

“What the hell?” Zayn whirls on Liam.

“That man is Niall’s step-father.” Liam say.

“Well I figured that but why he is here? I couldn’t possibly be the cause of this.”

Liam purses his lips for a moment. “Remember how you were always over here with you and the other boys? It’s like your second home right?” Zayn nods. “Well without you Niall never became friends with you and the other boys. He never had sleepovers all the time and he had to watch his parent’s marriage fall apart and his step-dad come in and sure he was nice at first but without anyone around he become more and more cruel. You not being here meant that Niall was alone in a house of hate.”

Zayn swallows roughly at that and looks back at Niall who’s still curled up into a little ball and now that he looks closer he can see the splattering of bruises on his skin, some new and some fading.

“I…”

“Never knew how much you affected other huh? Come on, we aren’t finished yet.”

Zayn doesn’t want to see anymore but then Liam’s brushing his fingers against his skin and he’s gone from Niall’s house and instead standing in front of another familiar house.

“Harry.” Zayn whispers and Liam nods. Zayn’s a little nervous about this one because Harry’s always been the most sensitive out of all of them. He’s the one that was affected the most by the little things.

He swallows and steps forward into the house. It’s the exact same as last time but Harry’s nowhere in sight. He hesitantly moves through the hallways and towards Harry’s room.

It’s rather strange not to see pictures of him and the boys up in Harry’s room and he almost doesn’t notice the boy lying on the bed at first.

But then he does.

Harry’s skinny, so, so skinny and it looks like he’s passed out in the middle of doing something. His clothes are still on but they’re crumpled and wrinkled and dirty. Zayn nearly gasps when he sees the scars on Harry’s arm, some fresh and some old.

“What happened to him? Why isn’t he with Louis?” Zayn turns toward Liam who doesn’t have that smile on his face anymore.

“It’s better if we continue on before I explain.”

And that has Zayn scared. 

With another brush of fingers he’s in front of Louis’s house which should have been bright and merry with his little sisters and him running around near the brightly lit Christmas tree but instead it’s dark and cold.

He’s hesitant to walk inside but curiosity wins over. He makes his way up the steps and melts through the door. The house has no decorations and he can hear crying coming from the kitchen.

“I miss him so much mum.” Lottie whimpers and Zayn’s confused but Lottie and Jay hug each other tightly.

“I miss him too sweetie.” She chokes out through her tears and Zayn stumbles back, bumping into Liam. He turns to him in bewilderment.

“What?”

Liam motions for him to follow and he does. They stand outside the Tomlinson house and Liam folds his hands.

“Louis and Harry never really happened, at least not the way you knew them. Without you to guide them together they just kept coming closer and closer together but never touching and Louis couldn’t take it anymore. This is the anniversary of his death one year ago.” Liam explains and Zayn covers his mouth in shock.

“But it’s his birthday.”

Liam smiles softly. “He thought it was fitting too.”

“And…Harry?”

“Harry never really recovered. He didn’t have anyone to lean on and the boy you saw just a moment ago is two weeks away from taking his own life just because he can’t handle it.”

Zayn’s silent and he looks down at the snowy ground that aren’t marred by his footprints. “So basically what you’re saying is that without me everything falls to shit.”

“Yes.” Liam says simply.

Zayn looks up. “Why did you come to me though? There’s countless of other people that take their lives each and every day so why me?”

Liam’s face changes to a softer expression at that and Zayn swears that he’s actually blushing. “Because you’re my last hope.”

Okay now he’s confused. “Last hope for what?”

“To earn my wings.”

“Wings of what? Wait…this isn’t like some It’s a Wonderful Life shit right? You make me not kill myself and in return you get your wings?” Zayn’s eyes narrow and Liam just looks confused.

“What is that?”

“You’ve never seen—oh never mind.” Zayn mutters and looks back at the dark Tomlinson home. “But if I killed myself in the present time none of this would happen anyways.”

Liam sits on a bench and pats the seat next to him for Zayn to take. He does warily. “Why do you want to kill yourself in the first place?”

“Because I’m worthless and I’ll never amount to anything.”

“And what makes you say that?” Liam looks at him with those big brown eyes.

“I don’t know.” Zayn spits and frowns, obviously annoyed that Liam is trying to help him.

“Well I think you’re going to do a lot in this life Zayn.” Liam leans back against the bench and Zayn’s eyes search him.

“Can you see the future?”

“Hmm that’s the question isn’t it?” Liam turns to him with a smile. “Life’s a question.”

Zayn’s silent again. He was really set on jumping off that bridge but now he doesn’t know. He had really felt like his whole existence was pointless but now…

“So what are you?”

“I’m an angel.” Liam nods and Zayn looks at him curiously.

“You don’t look like those pictures in books and churches.”

“That’s because humans know we exist but they never remember.” Liam smiles sadly. 

“Are you my guardian angel?”

“In training.” Liam says with a chuckle.

“Oh of course I get someone that doesn’t know what they’re doing.” Zayn rolls his eyes but he can’t help but give a slight grin just because Liam’s kind of endearing in a strange way.

“Well I’m almost a fully fledged angel.” Liam frowns and Zayn chuckles.

“Don’t hurt yourself I was just teasing.”

They sit there in silence again but it’s not uncomfortable. In fact, it’s rather nice.

“Do I have to go back soon?” Zayn whispers and Liam shakes his head.

“As long as you need, I’ll be here.”

So they stay there for a long time. It’s like it’s eternally Christmas Eve and slowly but surely Zayn starts to believe in himself. Time has no meaning and he finds himself opening up to Liam more and more, even if Liam knows him inside and out. 

“I didn’t always feel like this you know.” Zayn says while they walk down the deserted streets of London. He’s already lost sense of when he is but he’s still got Liam by his side, ever faithful.

“I know.” Liam gives him an encouraging smile.

“I think it was the first time I disappointed my mother.” Zayn muses. “I failed a class and the look on her face stayed with me and from then on it was just a spiral down.”

“You know she’s not disappointed in you right?” Liam says softly.

“You didn’t see her face.” Liam just gives him a look. “Okay well maybe you did but it messed me up.”

“Have you ever told her this?”

“Are you kidding? No!” Zayn glares but then his face falls. “I didn’t want to make her sad.” Perhaps it was rather irrational but then again, he’s never really been the rational type.

The more and more time they spend together, the more Zayn feels comfortable with himself, and he begins to feel better. But at the same time he doesn’t want to leave Liam. 

“So if I go back I’ll never see you again right?”

Liam purses his lips and nods slowly.

“Can I just stay here forever then? You’re the only one who understands me.”

Liam’s big brown eyes look sad but he says softly, “I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

And Zayn’s happy with that.

*

He begins to lose himself and find himself at the same time. He begins to miss his old life and the world around him becomes smaller, but he continues to cling to Liam because he’s never met a more perfect being. 

“I don’t want to leave you.” Zayn whispers one night as they look up at the stars that never seem to change. The cold from the ever present snow digs into his skin with icy fingers.

“You won’t leave me you know. I won’t leave you.”

Zayn turns his head toward Liam who’s lying next to him, their fingers grazing for a second and warmth spreads through him. “But I won’t be able to see you again.”

Liam turns towards him with a warm smile on his lips and the sadness in those eyes. “Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t right there next to you.”

Zayn looks up at the sky and he can’t see the stars anymore. “But I don’t want to go.”

Liam just takes his hand and they lay there, the familiar silence falling over them like a blanket.

*

This world has almost disappeared and Zayn’s on the edge of going back but the only thing that still ties him there is Liam. 

“Are you sure you can’t come visit me?”

“I might show up when you least expect it.” Liam gives a quirk of a smile and Zayn takes in a deep breath and nods.

“Okay I think I’m ready.” 

Liam bites his lip and nods as well, stepping forward and just before he grazes Zayn’s finger tips Zayn steps back.

“Wait.”

Liam jerks his hand back. “What?”

Zayn doesn’t move until he jumps at Liam and hugs him tightly which startles him. “Thank you.” Zayn whispers in his ear and Liam hugs Zayn back.

“That’s what I’m here for.” He murmurs back and Zayn steps back and nods again, this time reaching out with his hand for Liam to take. He does with a sad smile. 

Zayn closes his eyes and when he opens them he’s back on the bridge he had been on only moments and a lifetime ago, but this time he has no urge to take that final step. 

Instead he looks up at the clear sky that reminds him so much of the stars back in his and Liam’s world and he just smiles.

“Hope you got your wings.” He murmurs as he steps back down off the railing.

It’s Christmas Eve after all.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://www.kathleenhasfeelsandwords.tumblr.com) (:


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